Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
