Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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