Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
