I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
