Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
