Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
