Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
