You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
