Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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