put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
