Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
