I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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