i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
