Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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