OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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