just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
