And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
