if i can run in heels then i can drive
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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