Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
