It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize