FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
