I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
