pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
