she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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