I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize