If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
