I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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