atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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