I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
