textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
