at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
