my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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