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• (415): View more from California

  Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer

  (818): View more from California

  oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I wonder if you can snort coke upside down

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays

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• (727): View more from Florida

  On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though

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• (210): View more from Texas

  He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.

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• (760): View more from California

  Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?

  (951): View more from California

  It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!

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