Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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