He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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