I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
