Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
