What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
