Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
