I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
