thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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