it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
