I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
