I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
