he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
