No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
