he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
