i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
