they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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