I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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