Even the bartender felt bad for me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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