Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
