I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
