that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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