if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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