Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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