i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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