I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
