I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
