I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
