yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
