i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my shit smells like andre
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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