I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
