My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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