You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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