How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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