She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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