you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
