take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
