I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize