but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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