its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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