i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
