Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
