Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
