I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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